Coming of age

There are some weird facts about my personal history I've always enjoyed.

A mixture of being grumpy and mature and a disposition to enjoy mainly conversations with older people (or those of my age that shared some of those traits) seemed to confuse people about my age.

Being of an early large build (my current 180 cm where already there when aged 14, not really fat nor thin but just large) kind of helped.

Everybody, everywhere, just assumed I was older than my ID said.

I can't recall the last time someone asked me for my papers to check whether I was old enough for something. I'd just go chin up facing straight to a disco's ticket booth, or an airport counter, and buy or enter whatever 18+ restricted thing I wanted to.

There actually was this one time when they asked my parents to testify I was just thirteen so I could play with my 7th grade soccer team against other schools. That poor full back standing two stories below me never knew what hit him. If you're there, I'm still sorry, midget.

Anyhow, I'm coping now with the fact that way of life I grew used to is fading out. In mi middle thirties now, I reached at long last the age I seemed to have this last ten years. Fewer and fewer "oh, so young and doing that already!". And every more often the underachiever threatening to show up in full face.

So I'm starting lo live the age I seem to have. Let's just hope I'm not becoming that asshole version of Benjamin Button some guys are, when they realize they forgot to be young when they should and start acting their teens when they turn fourty.

Not being yet a dad might not be helping. But that's not it. I guess I'm not really being fully fair with myself either, but hey, this is my balance and I hurt my own ego with it as much as I need to.

It's just that... hey, I dunno, if I knew what the heck it is I wouldn't be saving a few bucks in therapy writing such an outspoken lethany. I'm just feeling weird about being. In your face, Nietszche.

Perks of getting older.

Regrets, I have a few. Still, most of them are about not having done something rather than doing it the wrong way. Guess I'm more an "I'm sorry I did" than a "Can I do?" kind of guy. And I'm not old enough yet to have lost my chance to try most of what I long for.

Why is all this crap coming out today? Well, I wasn't granted the gift of walking on water or bringing dead back to life, and yet I have managed to outlast Jesus by acomplishing my thirty-fourth turn round the Sun.

On His defence, well, he had saved the whole humankind's souls by this time, and I couldn't really even save mine from myself. Yet.

But, I'm hanging on the hope I just might live through some couple more seasons so as to become, and cause, something that leaves a lasting footprint on others. A good one.

So eventually one day people will say that I was in their lives

Something different.